In it she printed important phone numbers for him, in big bold type that he can easily read. He's 87 years old, has Parkinson's disease and his eyesight is not very good. Still, he can read if the type is large enough, and the binder is a comfort to him, particularly when his wife, my mother-in-law, is away from the condominium to run errands. He knows that should he need to reach anyone while she is away -- if he can not get ahold of his wife, that is -- that he'll find the phone numbers for his son and his two daughters (one being my wife) inside that binder.
He also has added other important information to the binder. God knows what's in there, as what is important to Pop, as we call him, is always varied and often peculiar. One thing my wife says is in the binder, however, are his latest calculations for predicting winning lottery numbers.
His lottery calculations are legendary. He's been doing it forever, and he's convinced there is a mathematical formula which governs all winning numbers and which would make the person who discovers it very rich indeed.
I recall looking at some of his equations in the past -- rows and columns of numbers laid out in grids in seemingly random order. But to him it all made sense, or at least hinted at making sense. He was always optimistic about being close to cracking the code, if you asked him.
I'd like to know how many hundreds of pieces of paper he's scribbled his calculations on over the years. He's certainly slowed down in recent years, writing becoming increasingly difficult for him mainly due to his Parkinson's. Still, however, I'm sure on good days he's writing down some new formula only he can follow, and then handing the "winning" numbers to his wife to go play.
I believe this is what you call "hope" in its truest and purest form, and those who are lucky enough to possess it hold onto it throughout their lives, regardless of past let-downs or even consistent failure.
I am sure Pop has won occasional small lottery pay-outs over the years. But never has he won the big payoffs, the kind which allows you to buy a car, take an expensive vacation or quit your job. In spite of his losing ways, or perhaps more accurately because of his losing ways, Pop has never quit calculating, scheming and crunching the algorithms, such as they are.
If by chance, and I mean by chance, he did win the big game some day, I wonder what he'd do to pass the time, what with no more need to solve the lottery riddle.
If by chance, and I mean by chance, he did win the big game some day, I wonder what he'd do to pass the time, what with no more need to solve the lottery riddle.
For by now it's all just as much a pastime for him as it is a dream he's chasing. Actually it's probably mostly a pastime. I imagine he knows deep down the odds of winning continue to be against him, regardless of his years and years of study.
Whatever it is that drives him to keep searching, it's helping to keep his mind active, and the good-natured ribbing we give him about it still produces a twinkle in his eye and an optimistic reply that he's almost got it figured out.
At 87 years old, I imagine he's just about got it, indeed.
